The Perfection Bug
Today’s Tip is around Perfectionism. I come across this fairly often with clients, it seems we have all been pretty heavily conditioned to shoot for perfection in most areas of our lives.
Our egoic mind loves to grab onto this idea and then use it against us every chance it gets. The idea that we “should” be perfect perpetuates feelings and thoughts of “I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, pretty enough, responsible enough, there is something wrong with me,” and so on.
The truth is, while you may achieve perfection in moments of your life, you will not be able to sustain that for very long. If you can be ok with that and not have that mean anything negative about yourself, then that’s fine. But, I find that most people can’t avoid getting caught up in having their day to day imperfections be seen as evidence of their unconscious belief that they are flawed or lacking in some profound way. This leads to other negative and unhealthy thought patterns and emotions. It will put you into a resistant mind/emotional state and that is always counter-productive.
So, here’s my suggestion. Give up trying to be perfect at everything. Focus instead on being the best you can be in the moment. And, even that can get tiring after awhile, so also give yourself permission to not have to always go for even that level of accomplishment. Sometimes “just good enough” is the bar to shoot for.
Look at whatever task you are engaged in and ask yourself, “On a scale of 1 to 10 (0 = barely acceptable, 10 = perfection), what level is sufficient for me for this task?” Notice any resistance you might have to picking a number below 10. Intentionally go for a 6 on certain things you do, just to feel what it’s like to not have to be so darn perfect all the time.
This will free up a lot of energy for you because you’ll stop “needing” to invest so much time and energy into every little thing you do in order to do it perfectly. You can concentrate on the areas that are most important and that might need to have a higher rating, like things related to your work or business.
It’s very possible that your ego is hooked into being Perfect as a way to get a sense of who it is. So, you may encounter resistance on the ego level to letting go of striving for perfection. But, here’s the thing, it’s not healthy to get the sense of who you are from things outside of yourself. Most people do that (even though it’s not a very healthy thing to do) and it’s another area I spend a lot of time working on in sessions.
Ego can get it’s sense of identify from your profession, various personality traits you have, your checking account balance, how smart or pretty you are, etc. All of this feels pretty good when that aspect of your life is going well, but you’re set up for the rollercoaster ride should anything happen to that aspect of your experience. Anything your ego is heavily identified with can potentially “crash you on the rocks” if/when that aspect of your life takes a dive. It can also become an area where your ego gets to beat you up every time you fall a little short of the mark.
The truth is, you are perfect, whole and complete just as you are, no matter what challenges, problems or issues you have in your life. On the deepest level of your being you’re perfect, whole and complete. Get your sense of yourself from that place (it’s internal, not external) and you’ll find you can be much more relaxed and happy in your life even when things aren’t perfect.
